Child Care Challenges: Biting
How to manage biting behavior in children
Christine Koh Parents dread being the parent of the classroom or play group
biter, but it happens and is a common developmental phase for many
children. Here are some pointers to help parents and caregivers work through the challenge of biting. - Remember that the behavior is not uncommon. Biting happens for a number of reasons. Babies and toddlers may bite experimentally (remember, they put everything
in their mouths as a means to explore their world), or kids may bite
when they feel frustrated, stressed, overstimulated, or powerless.
- Act immediately, calmly, and consistently. Remove
your child from the situation immediately. Stay calm and tell your
child that biting is not OK and will never get your child what he/she
wants. Be consistent in how you respond to each biting incident. Avoid
dramatic negative responses that could cause more stress and
frustration and lead to more biting.
- Teach consequences.
Each time your child bites, remind him that there are consequences.
Tell them that whenever biting happens, you have to stop playing with
toys and friends and go together to a different room to cool down. Talk
about the idea that you may not be able to have play dates because it
isn't safe or fun for other children to worry about being bitten.
- Teach empathy and alternatives.
Explain to your child that biting hurts the other child, both
physically and emotionally. Ask your child whether it would hurt their
feelings and their body to be bitten. Talk about alternative ways for
them to express that they need something, such as using words or
pointing or drawing a scene or acting out a play. And when your child
uses these alternative behaviors, praise them to reinforce the behavior.
- Comfort the victim.
Don't forget about the child who was bitten. Once you have handled your
child, go to the victim and ask they're OK. Take your child with you
when you do this so they can see your empathetic behavior.
- Evaluate other factors.
Think about the factors surrounding biting incidents. If biting occurs
when your child is playing with older kids, look into whether your
child may feel powerless and picked on, talk to the older children
about playing at a level that can include the youngest child. If your
child bites due to stress or frustration, think about any recent
changes to your routine and think about whether there are ways to
smooth over the transitions. If your child always targets a specific
child, closely supervise these play dates, or think about what is
causing this relation between the two kids. For example, if there has
been too much contact between the two children lately, take a break
from the play dates.
- Plan play dates accordingly.
If you notice that your child bites when in larger groups, or when
hungry, schedule accordingly. Limit play date length and size to
prevent overstimulation, make sure there is snack, and keep an eye on
your child if it looks like they are starting to melt down.
- Be mindful of other parents.
Don't be embarrassed. Tell your play date parents that your child is
going through a biting phase and ask all parents to keep on the alert
with you for meltdowns and bites. Tell them how you are handling biting
behavior, and ask for their help in reinforcing the response.
- Give them something to bite on.
Whether your child is actually teething or not, as your child learns
not to bite, offer an object (such as a teething toy) to bite on if
they feel overcome by the need to do so.
Dealing with
biting can be stressful, but it is a phase. With consistent, firm, and
calm responses, your child will eventually learn to express needs in
other ways. Christine Koh is a former music and brain scientist who writes about child care issues.
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