Nannies: Myths vs. Reality

What to expect if you're new to the nanny world

By Lisa Tabachnick Hotta

You've surely seen an episode or at least caught a few minutes of either "Supernanny" or "Nanny 911" on television.  Both are very popular "reality TV" shows with legions of fans and real parents clamoring for the British nannies' assistance. 

Jo Frost, the no-nonsense "Supernanny" with a heart of gold, travels the U.S. (and the U.K.) helping desperate parents deal with tantrums, back-talk, sleep issues, sibling rivalry, aggression, crying, hyperactivity, and other charming issues. "Nanny 911" employs a team of nannies who also travel America using their bag o' tricks to calm frayed nerves from coast to coast.  The good thing about these shows is that they do portray reality. Parents cry, kids cry, even the caregivers come close to tears.  It shows that no one is perfect and everyone needs help raising their kids at times -- although the nannies do come off looking pretty darn good.

Having employed a nanny myself I can tell you that, although G. was lovely, calm, helpful, and hard working, she was no super-duper nanny.  In fact, in our case, I (and a few times my husband) was the one who set the routine, suggested discipline tactics, offered suggestions for fun activities and generally ran the show. That's not to say that G. did not contribute -- she was fun-loving, sweet, and full of energy.  She also made friends with other nannies in the 'hood and provided introductions to new friends for my kids. But super nanny she was not.

While you can't expect every nanny (or even the vast majority of caregivers) to be Supernanny, it might be heavenly to have a caregiver come in and take over for a short time -- especially if you're having some problems with your children and she's confident and experienced. On the other hand, after a few weeks you'd probably tire of having a virtual stranger in your home bossing you and your family around, making chore charts, and stalking you as you put your child to sleep each night.

Ideally, there's a gray area where employer and employee can meet in the middle.  The parent doesn't have to always be the organizer, the chauffeur, the mediator and the boss, and the nanny shouldn't have to pick up the slack all the time, either. In this ideal middle ground, parents and the nanny share information about the child and jointly devise strategies to handle childcare issues that emerged.

Realistically, if you hire an experienced, friendly, helpful nanny, you can expect that your employers will offer you competent care in exchange for fair pay, hard work, and assistance when things go a little haywire. Perhaps a new TV show is in the works here - Multitasking Mama and the Notoriously Nice Nanny. 

Lisa Tabachnick Hotta writes about parenting and other issues. A freelance writer, editor and researcher, she has two young children